By Sue Markovitch
I have done a LOT of work.
I saw my first therapist, Yvonne, at Youngstown State University my senior year. I was 22.
I continued therapy on and off in my twenties and thirties.
In my late thirties, I hired a personal development coach and a personal trainer.
In my early forties, I attended two life-altering support groups: Grief Share and Integrity for Women.
Since then, I have met with my support group leader/spiritual director monthly so I can keep processing things in a healthy way.
Recently, I experienced trauma that sent me spiraling back into my old wounds.
All the anger and sadness came back.
All the broken-heartedness came back.
All the unworthiness came back.
All the terror came back.
All the guilt and shame came back.
Does that mean that all this work has been for nothing? Am I right back where I started?
Healing is a sacred space inside my heart and mind that always exists.
My brokenness, shame, fear and wounds also exist within me. They are part of my story.
I can be rooted in either at any moment.
I can spend fifteen years peacefully rooted in my healing – in faith, hope and Love – and be brutally triggered out of it in a moment.
That does not mean I haven’t healed. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. It means something happened to me.
It also means I have to access all the strategies I have learned over the years to be lifted out of my wounds and back into my healing. Out of my lower self, into my highest self. Out of my body, and into my Spirit.
It isn’t easy. It isn’t fair.
Like a friend of mine said yesterday, when will people stop lighting us on fire then condemning us as we burn? (#gaslighting)
It is our journey, however, to get back to healing. Back to Spirit. Back to our highest self. Rooted in faith, hope and Love.
There is no other way.
Being triggered does not mean we haven’t done the work. It just means we have work to do.
If you are working through an ancient wound yet again, you haven’t failed. You don’t suck at forgiveness. And you haven’t done anything wrong.
Surrender control, trust that Love wins, and end the separation from your highest self and Spirit.
It may feel like the triggering event is what is causing all the pain. It isn’t.
It may feel like the old trauma is back. It isn’t.
It is the SEPARATION from faith, hope and Love in our hearts that tears us in two.
It is the nosedive from highest self to lowest, wounded, fearful self that feels so awful.
Let’s remind ourselves that this is how we used to live ALL THE TIME.
Rooted in fear and pain. But we don’t have to live there anymore.
Be LIFTED UP. Remember who you are. You are a child of Love.
And Love will always come get you. Every single time. Because you are worth it.